How to deliver critical feedback that is received well

“It was the strangest thing. I knew I was getting chewed out, but somehow, I left the meeting feeling good about it!”

Another guy said, “Dang, you too?!”

It wasn’t the first time I overhead a conversation like this in the breakroom.

The leader they were talking about was an expert at delivering critical feedback which was received well. More than well.

Their reports left the feedback session feeling more aligned and committed than when they started. Their relationship with their boss was deeper and more trusting than before the conversation.

How did they do that?

It’s simple.

Take a simple feedback structure and overlay an appreciative model.

The outcome is a direct, inspirational, and connecting conversation.

Here is how it works.

Let’s begin with the appreciative model.

The one I use is called SHUVA.

SHUVA* = See | Hear | Understand | Value | Appreciate

SHUVA is a formula designed to create bonds, inspire action, and redefine how we lead and collaborate.

It stands for Seeing, Hearing, Understanding, Valuing, and Appreciating – five universal needs we all share, regardless of our roles, industries, or backgrounds.

SHUVA isn’t just a word; it’s a game-changer in the business world.

My coachees learn about SHUVA early in our engagement. The messages behind the SHUVA words look like this:

Seen – Engage fully with the person
Heard – Make the decision to really listen
Understood – Make sure both of you know you “got it”
Valued – Listen with the possibility of being changed
Appreciated – Express gratitude for what others bring forward.

These five universal human needs can be intertwined and overlayed into any conversation to create deeper connection and greater alignment.

Let’s look at how to use it with feedback conversations.

Delivering Positive Feedback with the “What – Why” Feedback Model

“In the absence of feedback, people will fill in the blanks with a negative. They will stop doing what you assume they will keep doing. They will believe you don’t care about them”

Ken Roseboom

Everyone appreciates being validated and recognized with reinforcing positive feedback.

“What – Why” is a simple conversation model for delivering positive feedback.

There are 2 parts.

1. What happened?

2. Why is it important?

Here is what it looks like with the SHUVA overlay.

1. What happened

a. What did you See and Hear?

• • • “I Saw you complete that task today. You made it look easy.”
    • “I Heard several customers remark at how the interface was trouble free.”
    • “You spoke super cleanly to the client. I could tell they understood the reasoning behind our plan.”
    • “It looked to me like the hard work and preparation paid off today. Fantastic effort.”

b. Seek a common Understanding

• • • “How was the task for you?”
    • “Did I miss anything?”

2. Why is this important

a. How was Value created?

• • • “Your input created Value for our team today.”
    • “I am excited to say we are going to change our process because of your recommendation. It will create Value in materials and reliability.”
    • “I know it was a struggle today. I’m glad you were here. We would not have finished without you.”

b. Acknowledge the importance with sincere Appreciation

• • • “Thank you.”
    • “Your attention to detail is really Appreciated.”

Sure, Ken, I can see employees responding very well to this kind of feedback. We all like to hear the good stuff.

But what about when you need to deliver more constructive feedback?

Great question!

Delivering Constructive Feedback with the What-What-Why conversation model

“Average Players want to be left alone. Good players want to be coached. Great players want to be told the truth.”

Doc Rivers

For harder feedback conversations, we need to expand our model by adding an additional What.

1. “What happened?”
2. “What do you want to have happen in the future?”
3. “Why does it matter?”

Here are examples of delivering critical feedback which increases alignment and deepens relationships by using the SHUVA overlay.

1. What happened

a. What did you See and Hear? Facts only are best here.

• • • “I noticed earlier that you interrupted the client two times.”
    • “Our promise was to deliver the report on Tuesday. We delivered it on Thursday at 5:00 PM.”

b. Seek common Understanding

• • • “I know that client can be argumentative. Are you aware of the times you interrupted?”
    • “Do we have the same Understanding of what happened?”

2. What do you want to have happen in the future.

a. What do want to See and Hear?

• • • “In the future I want our clients to feel like we hear them fully.”
    • “In the future let’s better allocate resources and make promises we can better keep.”

b. Seek a common Understanding of actions which will help create the desired future state. This conversation takes more work and could likely be collaborative.

• • • • “We agree that client is argumentative and difficult. Let’s develop a plan for dealing with them constructively.”
      • “It’s agreed we will add 10% contingency time to our delivery promises to give ourselves more cushion. We will also advise each other of new delivery risks as soon as we know about them.”

3. Why is this change important

a. What Value will be created

• • • “Our company values each client, even the difficult ones. When we grow as leaders, we are creating Value for ourselves and our organization.”
    • “We highly value our reputation for reliable delivery. By implementing these changes, you will be demonstrating the Value of ‘under-committing and over-delivering’”.

b. Acknowledge the importance with sincere Appreciation

• • • “Thank you. This has been a tough situation. I Appreciate your openness to feedback.”
    • “I know you have a huge desire to deliver results. By trying these changes, I believe you will find more success. Thank you for developing this change plan with me.”

“Withholding feedback is choosing comfort over growth.”

Adam Grant

Incorporating SHUVA into your feedback conversations will help them become more impactful.

Who knows, maybe someday your reports will talk about you as the boss who delivered tough feedback and made them feel good about it!

“Everyone appreciates feedback that is delivered with care, respect, and dignity.”

Ken Roseboom

For more tips on how to prepare for high-impact conversations, go here to sign up for my newsletter and receive “Coach Ken’s Checklist for High-Impact Conversations”.

* SHUVA™ was created by Patty Beach, the author of The Art of Alignment – A Practical Guide to Inclusive Leadership.