Dejection, hope and the next step

Leaders live in a world with complex challenges and increasingly uncertain outcomes.

This blog strives to bring simple solutions to provoke and inspire you to be a better leader and find greater fulfillment.

To be clear, a simple solution isn’t a hack. Often simple isn’t easy. The simple solutions I offer are impactful and worth your consideration.

The theme this week is dejection.

Dejection

Dejection is often the result of things not happening as you had hoped.

You cannot experience dejection if you haven’t allowed yourself to have expectations and hope.

Feeling dejected doesn’t mean you have done something incorrectly.

It is an emotion which allows you to practice the tough acceptance of reality and limitations.

It is possible to ruminate and wallow in dejection. To turn the dejection into resentment, blame and depression.

An alternative path for dealing with dejection as an emotion is to:

• Accept your reality.
• Reflect on your hopes which haven’t been realized.
• Revise the hope or vision
• Move to action.

Take the next step towards your revised hope with renewed ambition or enthusiasm.

When have you gone from hope to dejection to new hope to achievement?

Is it a problem? Or is it Emotional Misalignment?

Have you ever left a meeting feeling dejected, thinking, “I can’t believe this happened”?

You came in full of enthusiasm, ready to drive a goal bigger than yourself, only to find your team… just not there with you.

Instead of sharing your excitement, they seemed disengaged or even indifferent.

Ouch.

We often call this a “problem,” but what if it’s something else?

I like to think of it as “emotional misalignment.”

Viewing it this way opens new possibilities.

People aren’t “the problem” instead, the challenge becomes one of alignment—of vision, roles, resources, or, as we recently explored at the Emotions-Centered Gathering in New Mexico, emotional alignment.

We conducted a simple but eye-opening exercise to highlight this idea.

As the “leader,” my role was to be fully enthusiastic about a project. Meanwhile, each team member embodied a distinct emotion, along with its associated narrative:

• Curiosity: There’s something interesting here.
• Boredom: There’s nothing of value here.
• Loyalty: I’ll protect and support the group.
• Resentment: Life shouldn’t be this way; I shouldn’t have to do that.
• Gratitude: Life is a gift.
• Resignation: Nothing I do will make a difference.

Imagine eight minutes of trying to inspire coordinated action when everyone is “all in” on these varied emotions—positive or not.

Frustration doesn’t even begin to cover it!

But here’s the takeaway: we can help teams bridge these emotional gaps by learning to Notice, Name, and Navigate emotions.

With these skills, emotions become a powerful tool to achieve what we want together, rather than a barrier.

How do you think understanding emotional alignment could impact your team?

Transformation Through Emotions-Centered Coaching

As a certified emotions centered coach, I support my clients in making transformational change through being more conscious of their actions, emotions, and mindset.

Transformation isn’t easy, but it’s essential if you want to:

• Become a better leader
• Perform at a higher level
• Find more fulfillment and happiness
• Leave a legacy, not just an estate

Are you ready to transform?

When Fear Holds You Back

Fear is a companion to transformation. When this fear becomes an overwhelming resistance I ask my clients.

What is the risk of not making the change?

When I realize I’m holding back from something new or bold to me I remember this poem.

Missing the Boat

It is not so much that the boat passed and you failed to notice it.

It is more like the boat stopping directly outside your bedroom window, The captain blowing the signal horn, the band playing a rousing march.

The boat shouted, waving bright flags, its silver hull blinding in the sunlight.

But you had this idea you were going by train. You kept checking the time table, Digging for tracks.

And the boat got tired of you, so tired it pulled up the anchor and raised the ramp.

The boat bobbing into the distance, shrinking like a toy –
At which point you probably realized you had always loved the sea.

– Naomi Shihab-Nye

PS – Now that’s a cool transformation